-ing

Being too tired to use a spoon, so free-pouring coffee into your mug and putting in far too much.
Being so tired you light the wrong end of your cigarette.

Being stressed about the colour of your teeth due to the cigarettes and coffee and being overzealous with your brushing and it hurting.
Being so overzealous you get toothpaste froth on your jeans and don't notice the suspicious white mark until you are in some sort of social situation and you catch an uncomfortable glance at your crotch.
Spending the rest of your time attempting (though you know the futulity of it) to get rid of the mark.

Running far too late for something important so having to get a taxi you can't afford there.
Getting there late anyway and thinking you could have just saved £10 by getting the bus which would have likely taken the same amount of time.
Judging it will take 20 minutes to walk somewhere but it really takes an hour.

Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and getting the shakes.
Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and feeling that horrible nauseous feeling.
Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and getting such a caffeine rush you can't write properly in your notes with your pen.

Spending 2 hours in the library and writing a grand total of 10 words in your essay.
Taking back the 5 reference books dejectedly realising you didn't even open them once.

Swiping your Matriculation card the wrong way when you try to go to the Library Café and feeling like a fresher fool.

Deciding to go out on a weeknight, even though you know you have anatomy in the morning which you will feel extremely awful for.
Agonising over what clothes to wear, but wearing the standard usual get-up.
Agonising over what to do with your hair, but do the same style you do every day.

Getting far too drunk and feeling sick.
Trying to drink water to sober up, even though you know quite fine well that is not an antidote.
Making out with someone you probably shouldn't, but doing it anyway because "Who cares? We're young?"
Realising that you're actually growing up now.


Continuing to be a student in denial about growing up. ad infinitum.

Dear Friend, I've missed you

Dear Friend,

I've missed you recently. A lot of things in my life were off the rails:

• I was a patient of haematology at the Western General Hospital with suspected lymphoma. Apparently it was some kind of viral glandular infection (similar to glandular fever caused by epstein barr, but apparently different; it can completely floor you for months, and apparently even I got away easily)
• Everything else crumbled to the ground around that.. and I did not manage to rebuild it. 

There was a vicious spiral of depression surrounding it and my inability to do everything I wanted to around that. 

As a result, I am no long a Medical Student at the University of Edinburgh.

I'll go into that more later. 

The lack of activity during that time and the secondary infections I got mean I can barely run to the bus stop anymore (yes, I'm a smoker; however I could still run as a smoker before that). 

Oh and apparently, for some reason many people have formed opinions of me recently. People I trusted and respected and have known for quite some time. Opinions which (in their many other very harsh words) include:

"who you have turned into is disgusting! what I have seen from you is a drunken mess, who only cares about, sex with randoms, booze drugs, cigarettes and more booze. not to mention drama. but hey its your funeral." 

So pleasant, don't you think? I have absolutely no idea where the (if there is any, which I doubt) evidence for all of that came from; but I quite honestly am heartbroken that they could make such harsh and very nasty comments about me. Especially right now. 

On another note. I've been trying to get back into life: work and healthy nonsense. My mother has been treating me like I'm in some sort of rehab centre at times. 

Some photos and moments I'd like to remember now from the last few months. 

Helena and I are Far Too Ghetto for The Lane

The Lane is a club at the West End. I'm not entirely sure how long it's been there (though my mum refers to it by some bizarre old name like Berlin or something that, which implies the premises are quite prehistoric indeed) but it is probably my favourite club and club night in Edinburgh. Period. The music is amazing, the people are friendly, and as Helena likes to say: "There is a fair representation of both the heterosexual and homosexual populus." ;) 

Nieves y Yo en Cabaret Voltaire

 

Nieves ha venido a Edimburgo!! Well, she's gone now, but she came for a few days in February and it was SO nice having her here. I ended up spending pretty much my entire time with her and speaking only in Spanish so that when I tried to speak in English I had some issues at times. I forgot how good it felt to think in that beautiful tongue. She loved her visit and so did I. I hope she visits again; though it doesn't matter, as I plan to make a trip to Madrid in the Summer :) 

This Stunning image in which I am suitably wasted
for the occasion depicts the unexpected love of my life

I've known Caroline since the start of uni: she came to Kincaids all the time as I lived with a girl she went to school with, and we became (slowly) friends. I'm not sure when, but at some point we became very, very close and it just sort of happened that we ended up realising we were soul mates. I pretty much live at her flat and in her bed; but that's fine, because we're living together next year anyway. Eh, wife? 

This was a very good evening. Period. I just needed a photo
reminder in here.

Oh, and also. Do you love the feeling of summer? I got it for the first time yesterday when Graham and I went for a walk (more of a "there's a suntrap! lets' sit in the sun!" ) and created a little note in twigs. 

The sun is in

That is all, friend, for now. I need to go shower and go for a short jog. 

Toodles! 

x

Horrifically Antics, part two!

I know i haven't blogged in ages, but I am busy vlogging.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTPKc5R3Ne8


(p.s. it's better than the last one)

Horrifically Fantastic

Caroline and I started a vlog.


Bear in mind, we were in a strange mood and we had never actually used iMovie before and it was a spontaneous idea.


They'll get better in future!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xqadAVq2hg