Dear Me

So the other day I was tidying out my room (I have had to throw out pretty much like 60% of my belongings) in preparation for moving into the flat in July. The flat itself is beautiful. If you tried to go look at it at some point over the past few day's you'd be oblivious to it due to the large amount of this:

A stock photo; but generally the state of affairs.

But if you were a massive creep and managed to break into it, you'd see this: 

Beautiful flat. Beautiful beautiful. The only reason there's only one photo is that the rest got taken down off the website when we secured it! Sad! But there will be plenty photos when we move in.

I shall be living with the lovely Kimbers and Caroline in our aforementioned beautiful flat on Potterrow.  The location is IDEAL: I mean, I can see my lecture theatre from the bedroom window. The issue is, that my mum is selling the Family flat in Leith either during or just after the summer. This means whatever I take with me, is what I am taking and what I have. She's looking at two bedrooms for after the sell, so this time I fly the nest I have to go, and I can't turn back. I've had to throw away so many things I'd rather keep for memory sake; but there's simply not room for them. I feel a little better knowing that the flat is round the corner though (timescale wise). Our levels of psychosis and excitability mean that we are all highly anticipating the move with vigour:

Well, Caroline and I are. Kim just looks a little exasperated.

SO, When I was cleaning out stuff, I found a lot of old diaries (which I did not throw out) and read through some. There were some from when I was like 14, where I just laughed at my naivety, then ones from when I was like 16 where I just laughed at my naivety, then ones from when I was 17 where I just laughed at my naivety. Ones from my 18th birthday where I laughed at my stupidy. So on, so on, ones from June, July, August, September, October, November, December last year where I laughed at my stupidity. Ones from January, February, March where I laughed at my stupidity and naivety. Retrospect is a powerful tool, we grow personally at such a rate, even within weeks we can laugh at ourselves, see our outrageous little mistakes and gaps in judgement. Or big gaps in judgement. I realised this especially when I correlated my diary entries with Die Liste at the back (so renamed due to Teresa). 


What else? Everything is gooood. I have been watching Will and Grace compulsively between shifts at work which seem to be becoming increasingly chaotic (both the former and latter) with all the budget cuts. I have some ironing to do, so I shall scram now. 




Ciao 


xxx

What brings people together?

Dear Friend,

I was listening to "Circle of Life" from the Lion King (don't ask) and it got me thinking (again, don't ask: my train of thought is horrific at the best of times) about what brings people together. Of all the hundreds of people we meet on every boring week with our windswept hair or accidental toothpaste smudge on our black jeans we keep trying to get rid of that keeps recurring all day, what catches our attention to a person, or what makes us click?

Now, I don't mean this purely in a relationship sense. In fact, I don't mean it in that way at all. That one's kind of easy to work out - I mean friends.
My mum once told me about how she met one of her best friends Angie in the RAF, and she said
"At that time in our lives, we both had only one thing in common: we both needed a friend."

I got thinking about a few of my friendships and what brought us together. What did we bond over? What made us friends? Surely just needing a friend isn't enough? How can that be substance enough? But then, they have been best friends since their teens on just that premise.




Are we friends because we have been for as long as we can remember? We've been friends so long, incidental facts such as how we met or what we bonded over no longer matter; we're the Will and Grace that cannot avoid each other ever. Sort of like an eternity bond. No matter what those stupid little details are, it seems that our friendship is something that transcends all of that.

Are we friends because we found kindred (mentally unstable  introspective) people in each other that we had been seeking? That we found that kind of friend we'd been looking for, the person we could talk about those things with really, deeply, and intelligently. Philosophy will never die.

Are we friends by proxy? We get on, but perhaps we would not spend as much time with each other had we not other mutual friends in common, but we have been roped into the cycle? Will we only be friends as long as we have that mutual friend there holding us together?

Are we friends because we need something from each other that we can give? Did we need someone to talk to that understood what we were thinking? Did we need the shoulder to cry on and that arm at night? What more is there beneath that? The friendship ends there.


Hmph. Okay, I'm not entirely sure where I was going with this, but I said what I was thinking. That's better than no blog entry, right?

Sean
x

Sonríe, porque

Sonríe,

no tengas miedo de mañana, porque hoy es la mañana que tuviste miedo en ayer, y todo es bien. 

Sonríe porque,

todo tiene que estar oscuro para poder ver las estrellas en tu vida. 

Sonríe porque,

naciste en esta forma, y naciste perfecto. Dios no comete errores. 

Sonríe porque,

dibujé tu sonrisa junto a la mía.

Sonríe porque,

No hay nadie como tú.

No hay nadie como tú. No lo olvida. Nunca.

Para toda la gente bella del mundo.
Muak


Sean

-ing

Being too tired to use a spoon, so free-pouring coffee into your mug and putting in far too much.
Being so tired you light the wrong end of your cigarette.

Being stressed about the colour of your teeth due to the cigarettes and coffee and being overzealous with your brushing and it hurting.
Being so overzealous you get toothpaste froth on your jeans and don't notice the suspicious white mark until you are in some sort of social situation and you catch an uncomfortable glance at your crotch.
Spending the rest of your time attempting (though you know the futulity of it) to get rid of the mark.

Running far too late for something important so having to get a taxi you can't afford there.
Getting there late anyway and thinking you could have just saved £10 by getting the bus which would have likely taken the same amount of time.
Judging it will take 20 minutes to walk somewhere but it really takes an hour.

Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and getting the shakes.
Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and feeling that horrible nauseous feeling.
Forgetting to eat and drinking coffee instead and getting such a caffeine rush you can't write properly in your notes with your pen.

Spending 2 hours in the library and writing a grand total of 10 words in your essay.
Taking back the 5 reference books dejectedly realising you didn't even open them once.

Swiping your Matriculation card the wrong way when you try to go to the Library Café and feeling like a fresher fool.

Deciding to go out on a weeknight, even though you know you have anatomy in the morning which you will feel extremely awful for.
Agonising over what clothes to wear, but wearing the standard usual get-up.
Agonising over what to do with your hair, but do the same style you do every day.

Getting far too drunk and feeling sick.
Trying to drink water to sober up, even though you know quite fine well that is not an antidote.
Making out with someone you probably shouldn't, but doing it anyway because "Who cares? We're young?"
Realising that you're actually growing up now.


Continuing to be a student in denial about growing up. ad infinitum.

Dear Friend, I've missed you

Dear Friend,

I've missed you recently. A lot of things in my life were off the rails:

• I was a patient of haematology at the Western General Hospital with suspected lymphoma. Apparently it was some kind of viral glandular infection (similar to glandular fever caused by epstein barr, but apparently different; it can completely floor you for months, and apparently even I got away easily)
• Everything else crumbled to the ground around that.. and I did not manage to rebuild it. 

There was a vicious spiral of depression surrounding it and my inability to do everything I wanted to around that. 

As a result, I am no long a Medical Student at the University of Edinburgh.

I'll go into that more later. 

The lack of activity during that time and the secondary infections I got mean I can barely run to the bus stop anymore (yes, I'm a smoker; however I could still run as a smoker before that). 

Oh and apparently, for some reason many people have formed opinions of me recently. People I trusted and respected and have known for quite some time. Opinions which (in their many other very harsh words) include:

"who you have turned into is disgusting! what I have seen from you is a drunken mess, who only cares about, sex with randoms, booze drugs, cigarettes and more booze. not to mention drama. but hey its your funeral." 

So pleasant, don't you think? I have absolutely no idea where the (if there is any, which I doubt) evidence for all of that came from; but I quite honestly am heartbroken that they could make such harsh and very nasty comments about me. Especially right now. 

On another note. I've been trying to get back into life: work and healthy nonsense. My mother has been treating me like I'm in some sort of rehab centre at times. 

Some photos and moments I'd like to remember now from the last few months. 

Helena and I are Far Too Ghetto for The Lane

The Lane is a club at the West End. I'm not entirely sure how long it's been there (though my mum refers to it by some bizarre old name like Berlin or something that, which implies the premises are quite prehistoric indeed) but it is probably my favourite club and club night in Edinburgh. Period. The music is amazing, the people are friendly, and as Helena likes to say: "There is a fair representation of both the heterosexual and homosexual populus." ;) 

Nieves y Yo en Cabaret Voltaire

 

Nieves ha venido a Edimburgo!! Well, she's gone now, but she came for a few days in February and it was SO nice having her here. I ended up spending pretty much my entire time with her and speaking only in Spanish so that when I tried to speak in English I had some issues at times. I forgot how good it felt to think in that beautiful tongue. She loved her visit and so did I. I hope she visits again; though it doesn't matter, as I plan to make a trip to Madrid in the Summer :) 

This Stunning image in which I am suitably wasted
for the occasion depicts the unexpected love of my life

I've known Caroline since the start of uni: she came to Kincaids all the time as I lived with a girl she went to school with, and we became (slowly) friends. I'm not sure when, but at some point we became very, very close and it just sort of happened that we ended up realising we were soul mates. I pretty much live at her flat and in her bed; but that's fine, because we're living together next year anyway. Eh, wife? 

This was a very good evening. Period. I just needed a photo
reminder in here.

Oh, and also. Do you love the feeling of summer? I got it for the first time yesterday when Graham and I went for a walk (more of a "there's a suntrap! lets' sit in the sun!" ) and created a little note in twigs. 

The sun is in

That is all, friend, for now. I need to go shower and go for a short jog. 

Toodles! 

x

Horrifically Antics, part two!

I know i haven't blogged in ages, but I am busy vlogging.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTPKc5R3Ne8


(p.s. it's better than the last one)

Horrifically Fantastic

Caroline and I started a vlog.


Bear in mind, we were in a strange mood and we had never actually used iMovie before and it was a spontaneous idea.


They'll get better in future!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xqadAVq2hg