The Oath of Being a Medical Student

Dear Friend,

At the time of being admitted as a member of this medical school:

• I solemnly pledge to consecrate my life to the service of vodka;
• I will give to my off-licenses the respect and gratitude that is their due;
• I will practice my alcoholism with no conscience nor dignity;
• The health of my liver will not be a consideration;
• I will not respect the secrets that are confided in me by drunken randoms, even after they have passed out;
• I will maintain by all the means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of attempting to get out of bed for 9am lectures the next day;
• My fellow students and drinkers will be my sisters and brothers;
• I will not permit considerations of age, country of origin, strength, colour, taste, nationality, logo, viscosity, popularity or any other factor to intervene between my ethanol and my blood;
• I will maintain the utmost respect for cheap shots;
• I will not use my hangover to violate the right and liberty to my fellow students to coerce me into drinking again the next night, even if I'm chundering;
• I make these promises drunkenly, freely and upon my dishonor.

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