Transitions

Dear Friend,

Are you resistant to change? I am. In fact, being out of my comfort zone in general terrifies me. It's the reason why I used to refuse relationships: there was too much of myself in uncertainty and at risk. Moving house, changing shampoo, living with someone new or having a close loved one move away. All of these things stress me out. In the past two weeks, all of these things have happened, at the same time.

Kincaid's Court

So, after a whole year of working, making up my own schedule, being free, not having to study and living comfortably, I'm finally here: at university. Again a huge change, and one I was incredibly anxious about. What if the flatmates were all too quiet? What if the flatmates were all 'too cool' for me and shunned my geekiness? What if I just got on their fucking nerves all the time? What if I got placed in an all-male flat? What if I didn't manage to get the money together for the deposit and had to live at home instead?





None of the above are true (or at least I hope). Flat 9, Block 4 has more hilarious memories from the past two weeks as I have had for months. There's 12 of us:

• Sean secondnameican'tspell. He's friendly, sociable, and takes responsibility for things: his, Chris' and Gregor's friends trashed the flat and they all cleaned up and took responsibility for the damages. Nice guy; though slightly obsessed with darts. 
• Gregor and Chris. Twins, from the same school as Sean and they're pretty nice guys. They love the gym, though not as much as Mark (see below) but not gym-goers in that agressive-type way. From what I know of them, they're nice guys and intelligent. It's strange seeing both "lad" and "intelligent" together since I'm from Leith. Intelligent and Masculine were complete opposites where I come from. Oh, and Gregor tried to wrestle Billy to prove his strength. Billy kicked his arse in. 
• Claire. I knew her at first as Evil Claire because when we moved in, she wouldn't speak to me and made fun of me for having a coffee maker. She then disappeared for the weekend and no one knew where she was, so those first impressions were quite set. She reappeared on Monday - turns out she was working back in Kirkcaldy and is in reality Not-So-Evil-Claire. She's a great laugh, especially when we're all just hanging out in the flat. 
• Sascha deserves her own blog entry. Seriously. 
• Me. 
• Lyndsey. I'm never quite sure how her name should be spelled since everyone seems to be telling me it differently. She's from Dundee and definitely the dark horse of the flat. She seemed the quiet estudious type at first, but after a few drinks on the first night, she barged into a flatmates room without knocking, screamed everyones names excitedly for two hours and made out with Creepy Colin. She is absolutely hilarious drunk. 
• Billy. Bless his little soul to pieces. Before I came, I wondered I would be the token gay of the flat, but thank god Billy made sure that didn't happen. Since we moved in, we've bonded quite a lot as gays (I think) and are really comfortable with each other. With two gay people becoming friends there's always the bridge you need to cross: fuck or friend. That sounds seedy, but gays ARE seedy and it is the reality of most gay relationships. Whether you are honestly attracted to them or not, it could just as easily go either way during freshers week while everyone is horrendously drunk. Thankfully, I have my beautiful Daniel which instantly gave me crossing to the side of friend and that is that. It set the tone, and the tone is supportive, friendly, caring and the Jack to the Will and the Will to the Jack. 
• Rachel. The other Medic in the flat and the (barely) more responsible one out of the two of us. We both wake up at 8.55am for 9am lectures, but only because she is the one who comes into my room shaking me awake: "SEANN! WE AH LATE FO LEKTCHAA!" Yes, she's from singapore. Her accent is this strange mixture between American English and Chinese. At first we thought she was really antisocial: keeping all her food in her room and not ever coming out; but she's actually a lovely, friendly girl. 
• Mark. All I can say about him is "Alreet", "Gym" and "Byee" because that's all I've really heard him say. I'm not saying he's boring or a bad guy, because I don't actually know him. He doesn't seem mean or nasty whatsoever apart from complaining furiously all the time about Katie and I doing cancer out of the window. I can see his point though: is IS a non-smoking flat, but it's a student flat. This isn't Bannatynes finest. 
• Sheen. Or Shiying Zhang. I'm not sure what she prefers to be called. She's from China in the same place as Alpha and Zoe, and is friendly, but keeps to herself and other Asians. One morning after a particularly intense flat party, someone had thrown her rice ALL OVER the livingroom and she was devastated; but Sean gave her money for more rice, so all is good. 
• Last but not least: Katie. Jean-Luca, an Italian boy in my Medicine classes would describe her as "an absolute psychopath." But not in a bad way. She's absolutely out of her mind and it's fantastic. Every second sentence from her has me in fits of laughter. An absolute legend overall. 

So that's us. There are a few other people that come round to the flat (constantly): Caroline the Sex-Addict, Creepy Colin, Finlay from Stornoway, Catriona from Flat 7, Morven who pissed in the stairwell and many more. It's a good flat and I like it. I just hope I don't get on their nerves anytime soon ;) 

Katie and I have our first properly cooked meal in the flat. Well Romantic. 

This photo is distinctly lacking Sascha. Me, Katie, Lyndsey, Billy. 

Rachel from downstairs and I doing the "Call on Me" exercise dance

We have defaced the flat a ridiculous amount. Broken 2 windows, smoked and left evidence, 

almost broken the hoover, defaced the couches, broken one of the couches and countless other

 things. We are SO not getting out deposits back. 

Billy and I "kissing". We've ALL "kissed" each other. FUNNY TIMES. 

Don't Even Ask: Me, Rachel and Billy. 

Keep Holding On

So Daniel has finally gone and I can't put into words how much I miss him. Over the past few months, I've spent so much time with him, getting to know him and how amazing he is. You might have read my last blog about trust and cheating: I have faith in Daniel even though it was hard to achieve. The difference is, he has made me feel like something I've never felt before: special, cared about and as if I matter to him genuinely. 

Now he's gone, and apart from missing him and all his amazing quirks and perks I feel like a big part of my self-worth, self-esteem, happiness and strength has been shattered into pieces. He was there, a constant reminder as to what I am worth and without him, it's difficult to keep that mindset alive. 6 months... I'll keep holding on as long as it takes. I just hope he doesn't let go.

I've written far too much for this entry, so I'll catch up more in a few days. 

Ciao 

xxx